*Deleted and unedited*
[Music from the original playlist located at the end]
What makes us who we are or the person we are to become? A spattering of DNA, the things we learn, the people who touch our lives, events that take place in our time or the stuff that just happens to us? Is it a mix of it all or does it go deeper than that? Do you ever feel like you have been here and done this all before? Am I too young and too silly to have these thoughts? Mom would call my issues that of an old soul. Am I an old soul searching to remember or a silly high school girl looking for deeper meaning where there is none?
The breeze rustles through my hair and I stare off into the distance. I feel at home here. I don’t know why but it has always been the case. For this reason, among many others, I like it here. There’s something more to this place and someday I’ll figure it out. Until then I’ll keep coming, feeling, searching.
The waves crash into the rocky cliff wall with fierce intensity and I wonder at the glory of nature, how lethal it can be. The battle raging far below and I stand safely removed. Even from this height I can feel the mist caress my face. I close my eyes and enjoy the cool, soft touch. I don’t hear his approach but he’s there behind me in that moment, gently pulling my hair back, turning me away from the cliffs edge.
“Why do you return to this spot time and time again, Ana, when you could chose to go anywhere in the world?” Curiosity is thick in his words, although I know he’s not particularly fond of this place.
“I. I don’t know,” I stammer as I turn and look up at him. He’s breathtakingly gorgeous. It never ceases to amaze me. And yet everything inside of me screams for me to run, run away. It chills me to the bone and I know I should. I should be scared, extremely, immensely scared. And still I stay. I never run. I’m rooted in place as usual. Always wanting to run to and away from him, my dream Dohlan. If I could really call him mine. He isn’t the type to belong to anyone.
“This place calls to me,” I continue, finally will myself to speak again. “It’s as if I’ve always known this place or should know of this place somehow. I guess that’s why I’m drawn here.”
“Hmmm,” He raises his brow and looks around as if appraising the land, then returns he gaze to me. “I much prefer a private salon. It’s never cold, windy, or wet. And I could dance with you all night long.” Wiggling his brows he delivers a little crooked smile that always makes the butterflies in my stomach perform summer-salts.
I push away from him and grumble, “You mean you prefer that lounge against the far wall you keep trying to direct me to.” I plant my hand against his chest, “You’re such a man.”
With a heavy sigh he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in tight. I know there’s no denying my emotions in the moment, we can both feel my heart ready to burst from my chest. If only if I knew if it was out of excitement, nerves, or fear.
Run Ana Run!
His lips descend upon mine. Soft and gentle, his touch immediately stirring warm desire within my soul. His fingers twinge through my thick golden hair pulling my head back and his kisses moves along my chin and down my neck to my collar bone. Fire ignites, burning low below my belly. Slowly, ever so slowly, it winds its way up my spin.
My breath now heavy, a new need blooms. A need I’ve never given into before and have no intention to here, now. But…he makes it so hard. And his touch… As much as it scares me, it feels so right and so perfectly exciting. I want more. I always want more.
My fingers drag through his sun kissed hair, bask in the summer glow beating upon us. I memorize every flutter and pause the nearness of him causes my heart and I bring my lips to his ear allowing my own kiss to make its mark. The intoxicating aroma of spices fill my senses. My head spins. I so don’t want to stop. Yet I don’t want to continue on. Then it dawns on me…what does it matter here, in this place? I could allow myself to enjoy the moment and still have my integrity where it really mattered, right?
The thought has barely taken form in my mind and his hands are already starting to explore. As if he senses my defeat. I gaze into his face, my mind clouded by my reflections and indecision, and I swear his smile widens. He knows. He knows he’s won the argument. How could he know what I am thinking? But honestly, I don’t give it much consideration. I’m quickly distracted by the heat and desire building. His hands gliding up my side, curving around my back. His lips kissing their way down my collar, and getting so much lower. The V neck T-shirt seemed innocent enough when I got dressed this morning. So, oh, is this truly going to happen? Am I ready?
hunger and anticipation shiver through me, and a bit of fear for what is about to come. This is new territory for me. Snap. The cool kiss of his lips press against newly exposed skin.
“Anala!” A new voice changes our reality.
My body stiffens and I look to the side. Look for the source.
“Do not do this. Please Anala, listen to your heart.”
My heart is pounding so hard, my breathing so heavy, I almost don’t hear it. And there was something else, a growl? Is that Dohlan? His face is buried against my skin.
“ANA! Listen to me. Do not do this! No compromises. Not even here. Not in this place. Not anywhere. Can you not feel it? There is something more for you, something greater worth waiting for.”
“Kaia?” I gasp my sister’s name and push at Dohlan, trying to wiggle free. Heat flushes my face, butterflies churn in my belly. Why is Kaia here in my dream? With haste I attempt to break free and straighten myself.
But Dohlan isn’t cooperating. I abandon my search of the surrounding area, the one I’d been making to find Kaia, and look to Dohlan. He’s seething. My breath catches in my throat, eyes widen, and heart stops. Never have I seen him look more dangerous than he does at this moment.
“Wake up NOW!” Kaia screams.
My body jerks, my eyes pop open, and I find myself in my own bed. Holy Gaia! Sometimes dreams can just turn so wrong. That was all kinds of weird. I roll onto my side and hug my pillow. I don’t want to wake up to a new day. Not just yet.
“Aren’t you up yet?”
Reluctantly, I turn to find Crystia standing in the doorway. “Come on sleepy head! We gotta get going,” She pumps out the words full of pep then disappears from view before I manage to nail her. My pillow sails through the already empty space and slams into the hallway wall. I crash backwards to the bed and stare at the ceiling. It’s beyond my understanding how anyone can be so damn perky at this unforsaken hour of the morning.
Another Saturday has begun. Another Farmers’ Market to manage. Tossing back my sheets, I stumble toward the bathroom for a date with my tooth brush.
Seriously, it’s too early to be conscious.
